Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
