Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
