a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
