the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
