Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
