If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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