We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
