im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
