Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am one with the molecules
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
