Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm getting married
To pizza
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
