guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
