I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
