Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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