I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
