you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
