so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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