The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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