you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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