Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize