How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
