You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
