Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Randomize
