I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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