We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
