I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
