Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Michael Bay diarrhea
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
