Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
