Kiss
Puke
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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