What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
