Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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