Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
