im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Randomize
