Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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