i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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