How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
