I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
