he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
