Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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