he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
