I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
