if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
