I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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