We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
