Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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