Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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