got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
