Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
