Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
