How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
