I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
