I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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