You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
