HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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