Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
