my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
