Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
