I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This baby is an asshole
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
