dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
