so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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