i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
