I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
