as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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