it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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