i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
