hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
