I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
