I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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