Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
