Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
