Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
