69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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