Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
