New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
