No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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