Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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