dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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