the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Someone came in the potted fern
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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