Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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