I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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