LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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