hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
