you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
