had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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