just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
