Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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