Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
