Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize