Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
