he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize