You're so nebulous sometimes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
