Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
