There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize