You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
