I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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