I bet he comes in French.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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