I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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